I can't remember where I heard this little tit-bit but it is one I always recall it whenever I have to tell someone I am an atheist. In the story, a Muslim man asks a Christian man why is it he (the Christian) is afraid to die if he truly believes in heaven. It is obvious from countless survival stories we hear about, that many of us do everything we can to stay alive even to the point of suffering greatly. Is that fear of death?

I am not particularly bothered by the thought of death but I certainly do not want to suffer too much before cashing in my chips. It might bother me if it were to happen in the near future, if I were aware that is, because I am not done living yet.

I bring this subject up because whenever you contemplate life and its trials and tribulations, your plans and your dreams, death will increasingly feature in your thoughts as you get older. In fact, insurance companies encourage you to include its possibility in your financial plans. It certainly has featured in my thoughts as I plan for the changes that face me ahead.

I wonder if I worried too much about death, whether it would affect the plans I have, especially considering the risk I am taking at this stage of my life? Would the idea that you might die before completing your master plan stop you? Are many of us scared to take financial risks in case we keel over and leave our families in the sh*t? If you cannot live like you want to because of this fear, are you not already dead? If you fear death to the point that you cannot ever be content, could it be time to confront your feelings and re-examine your belief system?

All these thoughts may have prompted a prediction of my end in a dream recently, if that is possible, but I will tell you about it anyway.

I am sitting on one of those swing type bench seats on a veranda (porch to you Americans - see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Verandah) looking at a beautiful sunset or sunrise over a clear water bay in front of me. I am old, really old and I feel old but I am satisfied and comfortable. Sitting next to me is someone I love very much and loves me very much. I do not see this person, I just know they are there sitting beside me. My eyes slowly close as I fall asleep admiring the beautiful scene before me and knowing that I will never awake. It felt so right, it was time and at that moment I am very content.

Maybe you just have to live life to the full and like the words in the song (The Gambler, Kenny Rodgers) 'the best you can hope for is to die in your sleep.'

May you find the balance.

[First published on my Talking2Myself blog on specified date]