"Never hold on hoping that you will benefit from someone else's dream - it inevitably means your dreams don't come true" Ben Ellis 2009
In the next few days will be the 7th anniversary of the time I ceased being an employee and became an entrepreneur, an employee owner of a company I shared with 4 other people. This particular opportunity arose out of what was a few months previously was unthought-of circumstances. I remember clearly that I nearly did not take that step, except that one of my partners convinced me that it was my best option at the time. Don't get me wrong. I always knew, yes, knew, that someday I would be an entrepreneur, it was only a matter of time, I was just not sure that that was the time.
I was finally convinced by the expectations and hopes of our new born enterprise and thus started a 3 year journey leading to being an employee again but with stock options when we sold our little enterprise. That deal would eventually mean I could start something I wanted to do with the rest of my life. All I had to do was hold on another 3 years.
Held on I did past the 3 year mark, and now on the eve of this anniversary, it has become obvious that I have been holding onto other peoples' dreams. On all occasions, I was sold by the hopes and dreams of those around me and I failed to listen to me. And though I know that these years have not been totally wasted, the experiences will serve me for the rest of my life, I know that I am not happier or more secure as I was 7 years ago.
And now I face a similar dilemma again. Now, I know what I want but I am scared. Other options seem safer, better but they are not my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations. And what about my wife, what about her dreams and schemes? Does she not have a right to determine where she goes from here? What happens if we can't agree? Will compromise be enough?
I realise that at my age, the decisions I make now are likely to haunt me to the end of my days. It does seem just a little unfair.
Right now, looking for the balance and listening to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRRBUUbUU40.
[First published on my Talking2Myself blog on specified date]