They say that to form a habit or to break one, you need to follow a routine for 21 days. Where do they get this stuff, I don't know? But habits, by their vary nature, are things we do consistently and to break them obviously must not do consistently. The problem is how you do that without alerting those around you of your issues. In many cases, the very people you drink and drug with maybe the ones you least want to know about your actions until the time to break away is upon you.

Worse still though is if you enjoy the habit. I like to drink, so much so, that many of the people around me know that I do. I hate socialising without alcohol. Weddings, parties, dinners and even the old barbeque in the back garden, no beer = rubbish party! I know many non-drinkers and I am probably under exaggerating how boring non drinkers are in a social context, absolute pants! The issue is getting to determine when it is time to stop and if possible leave.

I also drink to relax. In front of the telly, surfing the web, sitting in the garden really feels good with a cold sweating glass of beer. I mean you couldn't drink Coke all night, could you? Oh yes you can, my spouse and I used to get through some 20 litres of Coke a week and stopping it, unbelievably hard unless like me, it is replaced. Yes by alcohol. My partner still drinks lots of Coke. Our kids have had the sense to go for the healthy options - kids of today - huh? For those of you who think you do not have a 'habit', think about what you do, how many coffees, how many chocolate bars, we humans are creatures of habit. An interesting subject for a later post I think.

So you can see, a few after work, grab a 'couple' of cans, (maybe a bottle of wine in your case), on the way home. Check email whilst having one lager. Eat dinner with another, watch something on TV with another one - a one hour program will usually equate to nearly two cans of lager, nightcap another one and then off to bed. Whoa, that is say 3 in the pub plus five before bed. Yes, 8 without trying! I am not even going to go into the stupidity that is Government alcohol guidelines - that is a subject of a special post!

Or forget going home, like on a Friday night, start at the pub near work, move to town to view all those lovely secretaries spilling out the offices and into the pubs for a quick one on their way home then later down to the nightclub district for a one o'clock in the morning finish. By this time, I bet your average consumption is gone from a pint every 40 mins or so to one every 20 mins. 8 pints on a weekend night is from wimps! And by this time, you are drunk! Do it often enough and you get drunker later so you might stretch to a 2 or 3 o'clock finish?

You might be thinking now that if I had a problem, your drink buddies will as well. They may have done but they certainly didn't let me know about it! I did find that I got to be the 'last man standing' many times - having one or maybe two for the road before calling a taxi etc.

I don't mind drinking alone at all, in fact, I don't mind being on my own at all. I even prefer being alone, in a crowd. Why? I like to observe people, we are fascinating creatures and nobody takes any notice of the lonely old drunk in the corner! Can't remember who said it but 'if you can't be alone with yourself, then you don't like yourself' and you need to fix that! So many people have been sold on the idea that being alone, means you are sad, anti-social and maybe if drinking, are an alcoholic. B*****ks! Many of the 'happiness' gurus will tell you, time alone is very much 'time well spent', though the context may be slightly different, but they are 'gurus'. Come to think of it, I once wrote a poem about being alone in crowd during one of my lonesome crusades. Not posted to Songs Of Words/, bit too rough yet.

So where was I at this time in my life? I was at 10 to 18 drinks a day on weekdays, many mornings started with a bit of a rough mouth and heavy head and I was desperately not feeling good about myself.

Familiar? Some adjustments and this is you or someone you love, then keep following, because I intend to tell my story - so when I am rich and famous - all my dirty linen will be public knowledge and they won't touch me! Hah. (that was a joke, my chances of being rich and famous…..)

And what about work and family? I am in the lucky position to not really care what they think, I am describing a situation that happened in the past that funny enough very few people, many of who are supposed to care, recognised.

"In fact, the greatest numbers of addicts in society today are called 'functional' drug addicts. They can regulate when they ingest their substance(s) of choice, which enables them to function in an apparently normal fashion. The functional addict can hold a job, make payments on a car or house, even maintain a family life. Amazingly, it's even possible for the addict to keep his or her addiction a secret from a spouse!" From http://rhumba.com/addicts/addicts.html

May you find the balance.

[First published on my Talking2Myself blog on specified date]